what a day. my head hurts. it has all day. i even took off work because it hurts so bad. how can a headache last so long? i took some meds throughout the day and they seemed to make the pain go away for a bit but as soon as they wore off it was back. i know this is a boring post but it is all i can think about. i will post later an update to my life as it has been a bit. i just cant focus right now. anyone have any suggestions on how to get rid of this? email me.

It has been a bit since I last posted but don't take that as nothing has happened.

There is so much to tell.

First of all I found an old friend. This made me happy. I was worried that this friend had maybe gone for good. We talked most of friday night into sat morning. It was good.

Then after some sleep I went out with some friends on sat night. We stayed out pretty late so I slept into the afternoon sunday when nomikon called me. I didn't notice at first but to my surprise I was wearing pants that didn't seem to be mine. Pants that were a different size then me as they were very small on me. I pondered upon this and assumed my friends would be able to shed some light on it. They said I was "fine" when they had dropped me off at my house. I assume fine to them means, "you will wake up wearing someone else's pants", and this is somehow normal for them. Anyway I found that the pants were an old pair of mine that was in this old clothes place in the basement where we keep old clothes for goodwill/family etc.. How or why I decided to put them on and go to bed I will never know.

So now it was sunday and nomikon picked me up to help her do some things. On our way we were going to stop and get something to drink when we see this motorcycle laying in the road and a police car parked with its lights on. There was a man laying in the road too. He wasn't moving but it looked as if the police officer was talking to him so maybe he was okay. i hope so. so we get our drinks and continue on our journey.. we picked up sheena (Dave Browns Girlfriend) and went to lunch. That was when I had a flood of poetry come to me and no place to put it. I tried to frantically type it into my pager and got some of it which I have to sort out later and finish, but the majority of it faded away like some dream. I wonder why that happens. Its almost as if I know everything for a brief moment and then it goes away. This is when my best poetry comes out. It has been a while since this happened last but I hope it happens again soon. Only this time I hope I can at least get out a full poem.

We get done lunch and go back to nomikons' Grand pops house where we tried to get the cable modem working to no avail, thats okay though as it wasn't supposed to be working yet. A little later nomikons girl and dave brown came over. we had some food, and discussed a new business venture we are all going to start working on, then watched a movie. nomikon took me home and i didn't wake up wearing someone elses pants again monday so I think thats a good start to the week.

Monday was pretty uneventful.

Today I worked alone in the office most of the day as no one showed up except our secretary, and she didn't get here to 5pm, then left at 6pm. heh. I love this job. =]

More later..

really tired tonight for some reason. dont know why. well guess maybe i need sleep heh. so I will.. good night.

sorry no post yesterday. I completely forgot. I'm on my way out to dinner right now, then who knows. I may even write a bit more tonight. just needed to check in so that everyone knows I am alive.

Here is something I just wrote off the top of my head because I promised poems. I will have some good stuff when I feel it come out again or I get my laptop hard drives info extracted...
this one i will call... umm...

old feelings

i feel her.
the way she feels tonight.
i don't know why i can feel her,
but something's not right.

she has powerful feelings,
and we hurt sometimes together.
wish i could be so sure,
that this hurt wont last forever.

she called me tonight,
and again my life is real.
i find it very hard to put words,
on exactly how this feels.

though i know deep inside,
it can never truly be.
i still imagine to myself,
that one day she will see.

that day we will be happy,
when she finally searches for me.
and makes me into that man,
she now thinks I can never be.

--tim

was out with friends most of the night... so no poetry tonight. maybe tomorrow. my friend is going through some very bad things in her life right now and i find myself trapped in her pain whenever we are together. *sigh* someday she will be happy. untill then... we hurt together.

just got back from dave browns birthday bash.. check out his bands site "brown sugar" here. I went with nomikon and her girl.. we had a great time as usual... everyone started playing music and singing and everything was just cool.. I love these people.. it is very interesting to me that I went to this festival to get away from it all because there were some bad things going on in my life at the time and turns out I end up becoming friends with some really cool people.. life is funny sometimes. more poetry tomorrow. and maybe I will be able to recover some of my poetry from my laptop if I can get this converter for the samll ide conntector so I can put some more of my older stuff up.. turned I wrote last night... fly and darkness I wrote in like 8th or 9th grade...I have tons more on that hard drivre.. I hope it still works.. welp.. now ..its sleepy happy time. life is good. =]

poetry time was good... and perhaps needed.

darkness

darkness hides in the
bright light of day
you can not see it
it's there in the grey.

hiding in shadows
made by light so it seems
darkness and shadows
together, a team

darkness is evil
and there all the time
theres no escape from
this evil sublime

then late at night
as it roams free
it creates places
so black you cant see

while in the dark shadows
of the black night
dont get caught in them
or fear will take flight

so dont take a peek
in dark rooms or the hallways
under the bed
or inside the crawlways

for there darkness hides
where light doesnt bounce
waiting and watching
ready to pounce

so one word of wisdon
for those who just might
when entering darkness
bring a flashlight.

--tim

fly

because our love was strong
i feel it is not gone
but yet i know it is
thats why i write this song

reality sets in
when you know that you cant win
cause love is not a game
that ever stays the same

i feel that deep depression
that sets in when you go
but now it is forever
you wont come back I know

so now fairwell to you
this is our final goodbye
for when we next meet
it will be in heaven where birds dont fly.

--tim

turned

the insanity of time has made me free.
twirl around in it I stumble for a time.
when did my trip start to not be mine.
this innocence, doesn't yet know what it can be.

turned it around.

lust as I walk along my way.
faster then time it seems to be.
speeding up my mind and what I think I see.
but now I cant seem to make it stay.

turned it down.

once, I looked outside my window
at the snowflakes, falling free.
and pondered, is their playful dance,
really, mocking me.

turned it away.

I
Don't
Know
what
to
say.

to you.

today.

come with me and I will show you
the way that my life can change yours.
the way your life has changed me.
and that way I can never really be.

turned it free.

--tim

lets see... 6:00pm.. I found out today that this lawsuit we have had going for a while, that basically meant nothing to us in light of recent events, is this "monumental" case. So says the guy we were suing.. what fun.. he is just dumb... we wanted it over as nether of us was getting anything out of it besides wasting of each others time and money.. well he seems to think that he has changed the world because one small town judge didn't understand the problem and gave a very fuzzy and impossible to complete ruling due to that fact. lol. under the DMCA we can now prove he is the bad person because of facts brought about in this case, and charge him for every day he has been doing what he has been doing. the other ruling is as good as overturned already.

Here is a hint:

A. If you work for a company. Don't think that the software you are writing with a team for that company while employed by that company is "your" software.

B. Don't try to then make said company stop using said software as if you had no idea they were going to continue using this software, that their whole business is founded upon, when you left.

C. Do not try to take credit for 100% of the work. This is very important also because it shows that you would know damn well that without the others working on it, the software never would have gotten started. Let alone get to the point it has now.

and....

D. Without the need for it... (I.E. a FREAKEN HOSTING COMPANY OF YOUR OWN.).. you would have had no reason to even write it in the first place.

Oh well.. we said we would put an end to it while the other little case was going... he didn't want it. Especially after someone who basically got us all our starts, or had a part in it at least, had died... we saw no point in it..... let it go we said... he wanted it to go all the way... now we will... now he must unfortunately learn that he is finally going to be proven wrong, and for the first time in his life, he will not be able to escape it.

sweet irony.

didnt write this morning. heh.. felt like crap.. but I feel good now. and its still early. I wonder what everyone is doing tonight... damn.. I should leave the office soon. its almost 9.. hmm... maybe like now in fact.

another day... gone. I am feeling much better now that I am going to be sleeping soon. it is very strange how I tend to feel more awake and alive as the night goes on. all day I felt like crap.. now I feel like a million bucks I just worked out for like 40 minutes. and I will fight to stay awake for some reason.. like I'mna miss somethin... or something.... wierd. Even when I know I will feel like crap in the morning if I stay awake to late.

I am now sitting here watching the war, and checking out some web media on it.. one page scares me slightly. the page, on MSNBC.com, says, 'A spokesman for Osama bin Laden, the chief suspect in the Sept. 11 terrorist strikes on New York City, Washington and Pennsylvania, responded by promising more attacks by suicide hijackers, vowing: “The storm of airplanes will not stop."'' The full article can be read here. *sigh* i'd like to blow it off as b.s. but following what has just happened, and that since several people have shown it is still possible to get knives on planes i dont know. i hope our fine govt is doing its job well and can get this insanity under control.

oh yea.. this is not why I cant sleep... been that way for years. I think it is the computer thing.. they never get tired, and I must prove myself greater a being. =]

happy sleepy time soon hopefully... work in the am...

well... I feel a bit better now that the day is mostly over... we had a major DDOS attack today. like 2 seconds after a filter was added in our border routers there were like 20,000 icmp packets cought by it. we have survived. we always do. hmm... I dont know that I really feel all that better even.. oh well.. I will soon I'm sure.

hey.. I felt like utter shit this morning, and still do now. I do not think today will be a good day. I felt fine when I went to sleep... but now its like my mind is in a fog and my body is going with it.... i'll check back later if I feel better.

well I slacked off most of the day being it was a holiday. just got done watching some fox shows.. fox owns. *ponder* i am thinking of things to do with this site to give it a bit more content, and different software that is out there or maybe just make my own for some things. i will figure something out. i never do web pages.. i am a coder. welp.. only one way to find out...

Stay Tuned.

another thing. i am a nominee for the ASO Address Council in the ARIN Region. this means if elected I will help to build the future internet as it should be. it seems NO ONE else has any support for them on the page(the nominee page). if any of you who are reading this are arin members or just members of the internet family that would like to see things stay stable in the future internet drop on by here, and select the first one on the list. be sure to give some kind words regarding your faith in me to perform this task. (hell I just want to see if I can get any votes! LOL) thanks :P

oh yeah.. i forgot to mention we have a fooseball table in our office. we use it to focus, and relax. but mostly to show off our amazing fooseball skills. we do shots that are indeed insane to the untrained eye. things that look as if it is impossible to get the ball by and somehow it just makes it, and others that they don't even believe the ball just went in their goal. we dont mess around. =] hmm.. home time. I'll write more later.. I am going to be moving this to a better blog system shortly where I will setup a special two way pager blog page where I can send my random two way pager poems/thoughts I do all the time. more to come. =]

alrighty, after a few hours of sleep and a short(1hour) rant with nomikon on the phone I am back with some more news. I just won 10 games of fooseball in a row against our neighbor here at the office. he always tries to come back talking shit but my kung foose skills are great. and I use them with wisdom and patience.
[*bows gracefully*]

11am baby! woohoo! (sheesh. I'm beat.. nite.)

well its almost 10:30am and i'm still awake.. I have fixed my computer and have tweaked it so it benchmarks slightly faster then the other mobo i was using even though it is an older chipset (i440bx as apposed to the broken ones i815e). so i am happy sleepy dude for now. this makes me want to smoke, but I quit it. &-~

it is 9:50am and I'm still awake. The network stuff went well, and I got my computer back up with an older mobo.. maybe I will sleep soon.... maybe not?

=]

I just noticed that the ad jumps behind my title bar. I did not do this, but I like. =]

so now I am like in total rant mode because I just took a look at my computer to see if I could maybe do a quik fix on something and now it doesn't even turn on.. the fan like convulses for a second and stops. wtf did I do to deserve this? I just built this damned thing a few months ago and its been a kick ass machine since. now this..
I have to take everything out and test it all now, plus having to do real network stuff tonight.
i will be here late.
there will be no time for slacking.
but..
i am off tomorrow.
i shall slack the day away.
wee!

oh ya.. my computer at home just up and died. it turns on now but nothing happens.. so I took it to the office when I went out with nomikon today so I could work on it later. we went to lunch, I showed her around the office, and our colo room, then went home. she took some pictures on her dig camera. maybe I will post some. check out her page.. LiquidTrip.com.
i'm getting ready to do some core machine upgrades tonight, so I will be up late. more to come...

okay. I think I got it together enough to not slack off for long enough to write something. okay, I do hosting see. I am an exec for this here place.. i get paid now to do what they used to call slacking off, and thats spending all my time on the computer. its great.
ever notice how all those young guys years ago were all called slackers.
and now they are all ceo's and exec's of huge corps.
lol.

This is my first post. I am wondering why I am posting this even as I do it. The extreme need to just slack off and not d